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Thread: 4 years, gone.

  1. #1
    Carrie Guru carebearcarrie's Avatar
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    4 years, gone.

    my boyfriend and i just broke up yesterday after 4 years. we had our whole lives planned out and were planning on getting married within the next year or so. We are both strong Christians and God in our relationship has always come number 1. He told me yesterday he no longer cares to serve the Lord any longer. He said he feels like he has been lying to himself. He is now Agnostic. This was what broke us apart. God will always be number one to me. and if you don't have that common ground of faith, how do you raise a family.

    I am hurt beyond words. I cannot stop crying and have made myself sick from it. I cannot eat, move. I have been having bad thoughts of ending my life. I cannot handle this. I really need prayer right now, and comfort. Anything can help. Thanks Cfans.

  • #2
    Ultimate Carrie Fan Carrieflattsfan's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry Ashley; I can't imagine what you must be feeling.

    I admire you for being able to walk about from such a committed relationship because of your commitment to your faith; that says a lot about your character. People change, and sometimes we'll never know the reason why.

    It would be extremely difficult to make any relationship or marriage work if your core values didn't match up; if faith was once a foundation of your relationship but it is now more important to you than him, it sounds like you made the right decision in ending the relationship. It's too bad that he's changed, but at least you were able to get out before you got married and it created more issues.

    Like I said, I admire you for having the strength to walk away from such a committed relationship, and if you keep searching, you'll find the person who's right for you. Hang in there.

    What's a better cure to heal a broken heart than a little country music?


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    Carrie Guru carebearcarrie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Carrieflattsfan View Post
    I'm so sorry Ashley; I can't imagine what you must be feeling.

    I admire you for being able to walk about from such a committed relationship because of your commitment to your faith; that says a lot about your character. People change, and sometimes we'll never know the reason why.

    It would be extremely difficult to make any relationship or marriage work if your core values didn't match up; if faith was once a foundation of your relationship but it is now more important to you than him, it sounds like you made the right decision in ending the relationship. It's too bad that he's changed, but at least you were able to get out before you got married and it created more issues.

    Like I said, I admire you for having the strength to walk away from such a committed relationship, and if you keep searching, you'll find the person who's right for you. Hang in there.

    What's a better cure to heal a broken heart than a little country music?

    The names Danielle why the way.

    And thank you. he has blocked all communication from me so its getting really hard..

  • #4
    Huge Carrie Follower carrieforV's Avatar
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    it will get better..

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    Insane Carrie Fan liz278's Avatar
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    I am so sorry for your heartache. I know it is hard right now, and will be for a while. But I do want you to keep in mind that if your core values are not the same, you will have more heartache in the future. You know that a marriage not built on the same values has a huge chance of ending in failure. Then the heartache will be worse. Pray for him, pray that he will return to God. Pray for your own heart and I will do the same.

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    Carrie Guru carebearcarrie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by liz278 View Post
    I am so sorry for your heartache. I know it is hard right now, and will be for a while. But I do want you to keep in mind that if your core values are not the same, you will have more heartache in the future. You know that a marriage not built on the same values has a huge chance of ending in failure. Then the heartache will be worse. Pray for him, pray that he will return to God. Pray for your own heart and I will do the same.
    Thank you. He is being very cold hearted. Saying "this is me" and if I can't accept it than that's too bad. It hurts so bad. I can't even do anything.. I don't have the energy to do anything.

  • #7
    Carrie Guru carebearcarrie's Avatar
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    I think the hardest thing right now is facing not being able to see him anymore. He's my best friend.

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    Ultimate Carrie Fan Carrieflattsfan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by carebearcarrie View Post
    The names Danielle why the way.

    And thank you. he has blocked all communication from me so its getting really hard..
    Oh my gosh, sorry Danielle.

    It sounds like he's be an immature jerk. The least someone could do in that situation is explain to you why they've suddenly changed, especially after you've been in a relationship for 4 years. It's completely ridiculous that's he's cut you off, and is causing you even more pain.

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    Insane Carrie Fan liz278's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by carebearcarrie View Post
    Thank you. He is being very cold hearted. Saying "this is me" and if I can't accept it than that's too bad. It hurts so bad. I can't even do anything.. I don't have the energy to do anything.

    I don't think you should - it is okay to let your heart be broke. Just don't stay in that place too long. You need to take it one day at a time, and pray for him. I have a friend whose husband divorced her, her heart was so broken, but she read in the Colossians that we need to pray for those that hurt us. She started by telling God how much she hurt and how angry she was with her ex, and slowly but surely her prayers started to change. She started praying that he would find God and peace and her heart changed. Sure she was hurt, but through her prayers God changed her heart. So, by seeing it happen in my good friend, I know it can happen for you. But take it one day at a time. And don't stay stuck in the place you are now. I want to know how you are doing, I will be praying for you that you can heal from this heartache.

  • #10
    Carrie Guru carebearcarrie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Carrieflattsfan View Post
    Oh my gosh, sorry Danielle.

    It sounds like he's be an immature jerk. The least someone could do in that situation is explain to you why they've suddenly changed, especially after you've been in a relationship for 4 years. It's completely ridiculous that's he's cut you off, and is causing you even more pain.
    He said it was a sudden change. He felt he was lying to himself and was not being his "true" self. I asked him if this was worth it, the road he is going down, a life of hell. He said he was fine with that. That it was hurt the most. Knowing he really does not care about his life meaning.

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    Carrie Guru carebearcarrie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by liz278 View Post
    I don't think you should - it is okay to let your heart be broke. Just don't stay in that place too long. You need to take it one day at a time, and pray for him. I have a friend whose husband divorced her, her heart was so broken, but she read in the Colossians that we need to pray for those that hurt us. She started by telling God how much she hurt and how angry she was with her ex, and slowly but surely her prayers started to change. She started praying that he would find God and peace and her heart changed. Sure she was hurt, but through her prayers God changed her heart. So, by seeing it happen in my good friend, I know it can happen for you. But take it one day at a time. And don't stay stuck in the place you are now. I want to know how you are doing, I will be praying for you that you can heal from this heartache.
    Wow.

    I am praying like crazy. My father is a pastor and is helping me walk through this difficult situation. He is explaining to me that sometimes it takes horrible heartbreak and bad situations to make things work the way God wants them. I can only pray. I bought two books for him today. I'm hoping when he is ready he might give them a chance. He is so much better than his choices. But he tells me he tried for too long trying to believe in God. He said he tried and he can't do it anymore. Even if we don't have a relationship, I'm still not giving up on showing him Gods grace

  • #12
    Insane Carrie Fan thunder92's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear about that. I will say that people do change and its not always certain to them why. Trying to change his mind/ways might make it worse. Let him find his way back. He might not, but you can't make him.
    If your faith is that important to you(I can see that it is) then this probably is for the better. And you will be able to move on. It might not seem like that now, but I am sure you will be fine.

  • #13
    Ultimate Carrie Fan Carrieflattsfan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by carebearcarrie View Post
    He said it was a sudden change. He felt he was lying to himself and was not being his "true" self. I asked him if this was worth it, the road he is going down, a life of hell. He said he was fine with that. That it was hurt the most. Knowing he really does not care about his life meaning.
    I'm so sorry. You can't make someone change, but hopefully he will find his way.

    Maybe he's just struggling right now, and it'll take him some time to find his footing again. Sometimes life works in weird ways; he may realize he needs faith in his life at some point. I really respect that you want to try to show him the power of God even though he's hurt you so deeply. That takes an amazing amount of strength. Just know if he doesn't accept your help that's his choice; you are doing what you can, but we can't always change people, even if we just want the best for them. Hopefully he'll at least see you have good intentions, and he won't end up hurting you even more, just because he no longer believes in God. I wish you the best of luck.

  • #14
    Carrie Guru carebearcarrie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Carrieflattsfan View Post
    I'm so sorry. You can't make someone change, but hopefully he will find his way.

    Maybe he's just struggling right now, and it'll take him some time to find his footing again. Sometimes life works in weird ways; he may realize he needs faith in his life at some point. I really respect that you want to try to show him the power of God even though he's hurt you so deeply. That takes an amazing amount of strength. Just know if he doesn't accept your help that's his choice; you are doing what you can, but we can't always change people, even if we just want the best for them. Hopefully he'll at least see you have good intentions, and he won't end up hurting you even more, just because he no longer believes in God. I wish you the best of luck.
    The hardest thing right now is trying to keep positive. I had a life planned out. But God has different plans.

    I'm 20 years old a manager at my work (A&W) and I like my job.my family tells me i should find something better or college etc. I have no desire going to school. I have researched job after jobs that might interest me for school and nothing. I feel as though my life is stuck. Same job, town, life. I don't see a future. And I have no desire to find one.. That's also getting to me. My life with him made sense, and a idea. And now I have none.

  • #15
    Ultimate Carrie Fan Carrieflattsfan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by carebearcarrie View Post
    The hardest thing right now is trying to keep positive. I had a life planned out. But God has different plans.

    I'm 20 years old a manager at my work (A&W) and I like my job.my family tells me i should find something better or college etc. I have no desire going to school. I have researched job after jobs that might interest me for school and nothing. I feel as though my life is stuck. Same job, town, life. I don't see a future. And I have no desire to find one.. That's also getting to me. My life with him made sense, and a idea. And now I have none.
    It may be tough now, but keep your head up. We've all been there before, but if you keep looking for opportunities, you'd be surprised what could pop up.

    It's so hard to stay positive sometimes, but being positive and hopeful can change your entire outlook. Thinking negatively or blaming yourself for past mistakes can make things so much worse, and that's the usually the last thing you want to deal with.

    I'm in the same boat right now; I'm in college, and I thought I knew what I wanted from the time I was in middle school. I really struggled being away at college, and I thought I was going to graduate from there and figure everything out. My friends are all graduating this year, and I'm having doubts about my major for the second time. I blame myself for what happened, because I could've done so many things differently. But, I learned from it, and we gotta remember the past is the past, and it's never too late to change. We all go through tough times, but if you keep trying and never give up things are bound to change.

    It sounds like you have so much faith, and that will carry you through everything; never stop believing God has a bigger, better plan for you.

  • #16
    Carrie Guru carebearcarrie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Carrieflattsfan View Post
    It may be tough now, but keep your head up. We've all been there before, but if you keep looking for opportunities, you'd be surprised what could pop up.

    It's so hard to stay positive sometimes, but being positive and hopeful can change your entire outlook. Thinking negatively or blaming yourself for past mistakes can make things so much worse, and that's the usually the last thing you want to deal with.

    I'm in the same boat right now; I'm in college, and I thought I knew what I wanted from the time I was in middle school. I really struggled being away at college, and I thought I was going to graduate from there and figure everything out. My friends are all graduating this year, and I'm having doubts about my major for the second time. I blame myself for what happened, because I could've done so many things differently. But, I learned from it, and we gotta remember the past is the past, and it's never too late to change. We all go through tough times, but if you keep trying and never give up things are bound to change.

    It sounds like you have so much faith, and that will carry you through everything; never stop believing God has a bigger, better plan for you.
    I'm going to do my best to keep my head up. I know I have a lot of support so I know I can. I just i could fast forward a year...

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    Insane Carrie Fan thunder92's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by carebearcarrie View Post
    I'm going to do my best to keep my head up. I know I have a lot of support so I know I can. I just i could fast forward a year...
    Some of the most important times in our lives are the most difficult. That's something you never want to skip, even if it seems like the best thing.

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    Carrie Guru carebearcarrie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by thunder92 View Post
    Some of the most important times in our lives are the most difficult. That's something you never want to skip, even if it seems like the best thing.
    Blah :/


    Some things that don't seem to add up is he seems so not himself. When he shared his change of belief on me he seemed heartbroken. Then I asked him to leave so i could think about what we should do. I told him I couldn't continue. Later that night he told me that this is him. He wasn't changing. He tried for too long lying to himself etc. (sorry repeating myself) but anyway. He kept saying he this is who he is. He has never acted like this before. He told me Saturday at around 10 am. We had hung out the night before until about 3 am. Everything was perfect until the next morning. How does his mind change that fast? With his short answers and not acting like the self makes me think something else happened. And he doesn't want to tell me, and this was hiss way of breaking up with me because he knew I wouldn't accept it.

    I could be completely off. But I want the best for him.

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    Danielle,
    So sorry to hear about your circumstances. You've probably received advice, comments, analyses, etc. from many people. As I read this thread, my heart breaks for you. It seems that he knows your strong faith in God and he understands a life with you is a marriage of three (you two and God).

    You ask how did his mind change that fast. My take is that for a person to go from serving the Lord to agnostic is not overnight. This reminds me of the Hebrews passages where a so-called believer begins to drift away, and then his heart begins to harden and to a point of being apostate, renouncing God. It is a very very strong (and dangerous) statement for him to say that he is agnostic. He is "trampling on the blood of Christ". Your compassionate and loving act of giving him books to read may very well be rejected by him. He is in a hardened state. I pray that his heart will be softened, broken, so that he may contritely to back to God.

    Within the context of "to live is Christ, to die is gain", I think he is clinging on something that he does not want to die to. He may have something to brings him happiness (in a worldly way) but not joy in the Lord. For him to not care going down the path of destruction is very very sad and disturbing.

    As you pray fervently, please do not put too much on yourself. Lift this up to God and let Him bear your burdens.

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    Carrie Guru carebearcarrie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pi314CA View Post
    Danielle,
    So sorry to hear about your circumstances. You've probably received advice, comments, analyses, etc. from many people. As I read this thread, my heart breaks for you. It seems that he knows your strong faith in God and he understands a life with you is a marriage of three (you two and God).

    You ask how did his mind change that fast. My take is that for a person to go from serving the Lord to agnostic is not overnight. This reminds me of the Hebrews passages where a so-called believer begins to drift away, and then his heart begins to harden and to a point of being apostate, renouncing God. It is a very very strong (and dangerous) statement for him to say that he is agnostic. He is "trampling on the blood of Christ". Your compassionate and loving act of giving him books to read may very well be rejected by him. He is in a hardened state. I pray that his heart will be softened, broken, so that he may contritely to back to God.

    Within the context of "to live is Christ, to die is gain", I think he is clinging on something that he does not want to die to. He may have something to brings him happiness (in a worldly way) but not joy in the Lord. For him to not care going down the path of destruction is very very sad and disturbing.

    As you pray fervently, please do not put too much on yourself. Lift this up to God and let Him bear your burdens.
    Thank you. He told me he does not care about living for The Lord and he believed just being a good person and moving on.

    Thank you all for your comments. They give be peace and hope. But I feel like that for a moment and the hurt comes right back..


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