Hello and welcome to our community! Is this your first visit?
Obsessed Carrie Fan
Chinese "gay wives" face legal limbo, cultural bias
Chinese "gay wives" face legal limbo, cultural bias - Yahoo! News
This is the kind of stuff that puts the gay rights movement behind.....it's better to just come out and face rejection, than to marry someone you don't love and pretend to be straight. I would rather be rejected by my family than to go on for years in a miserable relationship, living a lie. And it's unfair for the spouse involved, too.
While we aren't quite "there" yet here in the U.S., places like China are a lot harder for gays.
BEIJING (Reuters) - In the eight years since Tianlei told his parents he was gay, they've put relentless pressure on him to act straight and marry.
"My parents push me to deceive a girl into marrying me," said Tianlei, a 28-year-old company manager in the southern Chinese province of Yunnan, using a nickname.
"They just want a grandson to save face in front of others and don't care how she would suffer... I would rather die than do it."
But in China, a great many men give in to the pressure.
An estimated 10 million Chinese women are married to gay men, according to retired Qingdao University professor Zhang Beichuan, often trapping wives in unhappy unions they can't easily leave due to Chinese law and social stigma.
Zhang estimates that 80 to 90 percent of gay men in China intend to marry or have married, citing a survey of more than 1,500 Chinese gay men.
Such marital arrangements occur in many societies, especially where traditional customs prevail, but China's Confucian tradition coupled with its one-child policy have increased pressure on gays to conform to heterosexual norms.
"Having no progeny is considered in the traditional Chinese culture the worst kind of unfilial conduct," said Zhang. "And under China's one-child policy, the only son is under even greater pressure from his parents who want a grandson."
For Fang Fang, a 46-year-old woman living in eastern China, her unwitting marriage to a gay man led to a lifetime of misery.
Twenty-six years after she spent her wedding night alone, she finally came to realise that her husband was gay, and she was "a movie prop used to complete his straight-man disguise".
"He took advantage of my naivety and weak personality, set up a string of traps，and lured me in," said Fang, who would not give her real name to protect her privacy.
Like many Chinese gays of his generation, Fang's husband, born in the late 1950s, found his sexual orientation humiliating and wanted to become a "normal" man by marrying a woman and, more importantly, having a child to carry his family name.
Breaking free of such marriages is not easy in China.
Divorce is rapidly rising but is still considered shameful, especially for women. Chinese law is vague on the issue and offers little help to women who might have difficulty proving their husbands are in homosexual relationships and thus can't seek recourse in divorce.
"Homosexuality is never seriously discussed in China's legislatures -- the government just wants to avoid talking about it," said a lawyer surnamed Liu who was previously married to a gay man.
The Chinese government largely ignores homosexuals, but some social scientists say a lack of sex education in schools contributes to hostile social attitudes towards gays.
Even when divorce is an option, the stigma of once having been married to a gay man haunts many former wives.
"When I told guys I dated that my ex-husband was gay, some of them immediately worried that I was an HIV carrier, since that's the image attached to gays in Chinese minds," said Xiao Yao, the founder of a website named "Tongqijiayuan" (Gay wives' family).
After discovering in 2007 that her newly married husband was gay, Xiao launched a desperate search on the Internet for information about women facing predicaments like her own, but her search proved futile.
She divorced her husband a year later following several incidents of domestic violence and poured all her savings into building and running the website, where members seek help from each other, psychologists and law professionals.
Many of the website's younger and educated members are talking about seeking legal protections.
But any legal reforms, while welcome, will come too late for those like Fang Fang, who carries emotional scars.
"I respect gays as any another human beings and understand their pains," she said, still moved to tears after so many years. "But I also want them to see how much pain their wives suffer, so that gay men won't rashly marry a woman any more."
The retarded stupid woman here who marry a gay male is more alarming if you ask me. If the dude cant get it up i think the gig is up!!!
Insane Carrie Fan
You must lead a really sad life. -_-
Originally Posted by broker03
Listen, if a woman goes through the process of dating, being engaged and then tying the knot with a man and has no idea he is gay then she deserves what she gets which is a delusional gay man.
Originally Posted by carebear4eva
This is exactly why you take a test drive before buying. Just saying.
Obsessed Carrie Fan
Lol, broker you crack me up!
I get what you're saying; I agree. But the whole thing shouldn't happen in the first place. Everyone should have the sense to know if someone is gay, and everyone should have the sense to know that it is not a good idea to pretend to be straight.
I think that China's one child law should be changed to "for every gay man, one straight happily married couple can have one more child" there will be a list that families can sign up for and for every gay man that comes out and does not attempt to marry a woman, the family is notified that they can have another child. This will solve two things, it will allow more straight families that want additional children to have them and encourage the society to encourage the gay men to come out and live their lives.
Ultimate Carrie Fan
In this case, the Chinese government will prefer legalizing gay marriages and discourage reproduction once and for all.
Originally Posted by nmbronefan
The situation in China is pretty from 'backward' situations in other parts of the world, actually. The government isn't repressive on this front, they just don't advocate, don't suppress, and avoid mentioning the issue altogether. It was the Chinese traditional culture of having children (And only MALE children) which is making gay men in China stressed. In the past several thousand years, China, just like every other parts of the world, has had existence of homosexuality (Or more commonly, bisexuality). People really didn't care whether you're gay or straight or bi, it's just something really common. Plus, males have always been very dominated so males can do whatever they want. But there have always been the pressure of producing kids to 'transmit the blood' so in the past people'd still get married to have kids, ever if they're basically openly gay. And no, those females weren't silly, they didn't have a choice. Free love isn't exactly a traditional thing.